Come on over to the dark side occasionally and read my blog at http://www.lifecherries.com
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Cherries and Bananas - Questions All Men Hate
Lanthie: I was reading an interesting article the other day posted on one of our local news forums. It was about questions that women ask that make a man want to run for the woods. I would be lying if I said I have never asked any of these questions before, and I have had some very awkward silent pauses afterwards. There is just something about a women’s curiosity and we just can’t help ourselves.
I’ve listed some of them below and was wondering if they do actually make you want to run for the woods, and is there a specific question that is worse than the others. So Matt what is your take on them?
Here are some of the questions:
Matt: I want to preface this by saying that I have been asked just about every single one of these questions, so I think I would qualify as an expert on this subject. I am going to comment on each of the questions following the question. Easy Enough. Let’s Begin, shall we?
Why do you think your last relationship didn’t work out? This one is a tricky one because when a guy hears this, they just assume the girl thinks it was your fault for the break-up of your last relationship. I could tell the girl that my last girlfriend was a psychotic killer and I would still feel in the back of my mind that she was thinking “yeah, right. She probably dumped him.” So it is kind of a no-win situation for us guys. In order to avoid discussion, I would advise guys to answer this one with “I had to move for my job and long-distance relationships just don’t work out” or vice-versa. Have her moving. Problem is, if the ex is still around town, you have to scrap this one. Second best answer is to tell her it was just a mutual parting of ways. Problem is that the girl usually wants more info like, “Were you both bored? Where you being a jerk?” Etc. This really is a tough question for us guys to answer. Personally, I have dated some women who seemed normal at first but then I started to see some weird quirks that I didn’t like so I ended it. Try telling that to a girl. Most of them just nod their heads and say “OK, I see” but I know they aren’t buying it.
When do you think we can get new curtains for the lounge? Lounge Must be South African for Living Room, right? When it comes to interior design, I have learned to let the lady do the choosing. My style is “Man Cave” all the way. Beer signs, sports memorabilia, etc. If my girl asks me this, I just assume that she didn’t like my previous decorating taste and wants to change the whole house. I say go for it, but with one stipulation – You let me have one room of the house to keep as my Man Cave. A place where I can invite the guys over, we can watch the game, drink some beer and play poker without having frilly curtains, lace pillows, and flowery stuff all around!
Do you even know what day it is today? If I get asked this, it is one of two things: 1. We either both went on a bender and had been drinking for about 2 days straight and just woken up with a horrible hangover or 2. I have forgotten a birthday, anniversary or her mother’s birthday. I hate this question if I haven’t been drinking because then it must be #2. I immediately say, “Of course I do darling. Just relax. It will all come together in a little while.” I then excuse myself to my “Man Cave (see previous question) and get on the computer, searching facebook, twitter, etc. For any hint at what I forgot. If that doesn’t work, I call mutual friends and see if I can get the info from them. Then it is a call to the flower shop and dinner reservations. The day is saved. Now whether the girl actually believed that I remembered is another story. That is why you have to go all out on the gifts so she forgets that she even asked you that!
Do you think my best friend is attractive? OUCH!!! One of the worst questions that can be asked to a guy. You are walking on thin ice here. If her friend is ugly, then you give a firm no. Don’t over do it or she will think you are insensitive. Just a “No, not really. She is average.” Or something like that. Now if her friend is a Hottie, you have some problems. If you say yes, she is always going to be thinking that you are lusting after her. If you say No and the friend is clearly attractive, she will know you are Bullshitting and trust issues can arise. Please ladies, do not ask this question. Well, there is one time you can ask us that question – If you are thinking of surprising us on our birthday with a Threesome that includes said woman – then that is ok. Go ahead and ask. We will gladly answer.
Where do you think our relationship is going? Hate this one. This one is usually asked when the woman wants to take the relationship to the next level (ie...Moving in together, a monogamous relationship or marriage). Guys, be careful how you answer this one. If you try to make her happy and seem as though you are eager to take the relationship up a notch, kiss your freedom goodbye. You will be living together, picking out curtains (see a previous questions) and making wedding plans in a matter of months. If you go too hard the other way, kiss the lady goodbye. They don’t want to wait and wait. You have to find a happy medium ground, which is damn near impossible to find. When, and if, a guy finds this medium ground, please let me know...
Do you enjoy being with your friends more than being with me? Another toughie to answer. Some women expect the guy to abandon everything and spend nearly all your time with her. Ladies, please understand that we have friends that we still want to hang out with and do guy things with. Things like poker, keg stands, watching porn, and getting shit-faced drunk while watching sports are probably not up your alley (If they are, then you are a keeper and any guy would be stupid to lose you!). We want “Guy time” and we expect you to have “Girl time” with your girl friends while we are having our manly nights. Look at it as an escape for both of us, not as “He doesn’t want to hang out with me!” Now if the man starts hanging out with his friends 5 nights a week, then you might have a problem...
What are you thinking? This one is usually asked after an argument or deep discussion about something very important. A long, awkward pause usually precedes this question. Guys hate this question because if we wanted you to know what we were thinking, we would be talking and telling you right now. The standard response to this one is “Nothing.” Which, of course, is a lie. The reason we say “Nothing” is because we don’t want to tell you what we are thinking ‘cuz it is only going to make it all worse.
Do I look fat in this? Ladies, please don’t ask us this one. If we tell you that you look great, you will think we are lying. If we tell you you look fat, then you will be pissed off. This is always a tough one for me. I am kind of like Kramer on Seinfeld. He always told the truth without hesitation. That is me. If you ask me and I tell you look fat, then I am just being honest. Some girls don’t appreciate honesty. Some girls do. I have a couple of female friends who are always asking me stuff because they know I am going to tell them straight up. Of course, this honesty of mine has also ended a relationship or two. Like the time a girl asked me what she thought our kids would be like if we ever had them. We were both type “A” personalities, high strung, hyper, etc. I told her that our life would probably be miserable because the kids would have ADHD. She didn’t want to hear that. We broke up about a week later. That conversation was mentioned when we broke up.
If I die, would you remarry? What kind of a question is this? Seriously! If you die, why would you care if I remarried? Personally, it would depend on if I found the right woman. If I did, I would probably remarry, if I didn’t I would live the Widowed life (What the Hell is the Widowed Life anyway?) This is kind of a tough one because if you say yes, then the lady thinks you aren’t satisfied with her and you are currently looking around for other prospects. The best answer here is to say “NO!” without hesitation. Another good one is to turn it all around. Immediately ask “Why, are you sick? Are you dying of some disease? What is going on?” Get all concerned and start bombarding her with questions. She will drop the subject quickly and be happy that you are so concerned about her.
Is she prettier than me? Never ask a man this! Like some of the previous questions, you are either setting us up to lie to you or, if we are honest, you are going to be pissed off with the answer (unless of course your girlfriend/wife is thinking of a threesome-see question #4). My standard answer is “She’s alright.” Very vague, general and open to interpretation. When the lady asks me to be more specific or keeps pumping me for more info, the best thing to do is turn it around and say “Look at that Buff guy over there, what do you think of him?” Throw the ball in her court and see how she reacts. Most of the time, she will say the exact same thing you just said, realize the question is silly and drop it.
There you have it. Those are my interpretations and views on the questions that girls ask that annoy us men. Guys, chime in here and let us know what you think. Ladies, your thoughts???
Come on over to the dark side occasionally and read my blog at http://www.lifecherries.com
There is so much to say, but so little space to say it. I would tell you to check out my blog. Ramblings of a Semi-Mad Man That should give you a good idea of the essence of me :)
To sum it all up, I am a ex-professor, father, traveler, party-animal, entrepreneur, comedian, musician and professional "Hombre del Mundo".
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